The corrosive nature of social networking websites Essay

The corrosive nature of social networking websites - Essay Example Social networking sites cause loneliness (Boyd d and Ellison: pp. 221). When joining these sites, for instance, Facebook, no one has the intention to get lonely while online. However, most research findings can prove that the more someone uses the internet services, the more the chances of getting lonely and depressed. This is because the sense of being happy rapidly drops after the first day of using the website. The loneliness issue arises because Facebook serves different purposes with everyone using what is meaningful to their social life. Therefore, through the consumption of so much content on such social networking websites, people lose their social bonding thus lowering their self-esteem and feeling which in turn increases loneliness. Social networking websites are creating a false sense of interaction. The society fosters real and meaningful kinds of relationships. They are supposed to be healthy to everyone because they act as role-shaping structures, increases the sense of belonging and the will to conquer problems. However, most of these social networks though created out of a simple idea of promoting social relationships, have been creating a wrong sense of connection (Kennedy, et al.: pp. 110). They are among the fastest growing companies with Facebook being on the lead. They have chat rooms that enable users to communicate with each other. These chat rooms make users glued to their computer screens, as they want to find out more from their online friends.

Marketing Strategies of Newspapers Essay Example for Free

Marketing Strategies of Newspapers Essay The newspaper market, like other markets have become competitive to the extent that survival requires a lot of creativity and innovation in the way the business is conducted. This is the situation in which the three major newspapers on the Zambian market, i.e the Post, the Times of Zambia, and the Zambia Daily Mail newspapers find themselves. Currently, the Post newspaper is the market leader with a market share of eighty percent (80%), the Times of Zambia newspaper and the Zambia Daily Mail, together with the rest of the other newspapers share the remaining twenty percent (20%). For this study, the focus is on three newspapers, The Post which is a privately owned newspaper and the Times of Zambia and the Zambia Daily Mail which are stated owned newspapers. The difference in performance amongst these three newspapers has also been reflected in the differences in the readership of the three (3) newspapers which is indicated below. Source: Synovate Research Center 2005 For any of these papers to gain competitive advantage and long term profitability, there is need to come up with a proper business approach. One such approach is a proper understanding and management of the common business parameters like the quality of the product, the pricing of the product, the distribution of the product, and the promotion of the product. A newspaper firm can then formulate appropriate differentiation strategies based on the above parameters which are commonly known as the four ‘Ps’ of the marketing mix (Kotler, 2003:15). The discrepancies in the market share prompted the researcher to look at the business management aspect of the three newspapers, i.e.how they were applying and using the four ‘Ps’ of the marketing mix. The aim was to determine how the three newspapers were utilizing the elements of the marketing mix in order to gain competitive advantage on the Zambian market. Essentially, this is a comparative study which looks into how the three newspapers were utilizing the marketing mix to increase their market shares. The study was expected to reveal the differences in the usage of the marketing mix and show whether this had a significant impact on the market shares of the three papers. This is not withstanding the fact that the performance of an entity is dependent on the various functional areas of business management. However, in this particular case, what was being put to test was the functional area of marketing, and in this case the application of the elements of the marketing mix. The liberalization of the Zambian economy in 1991 saw the emergence of various entities on the Zambian market. This included the print media. The Post newspaper is one such paper that emerged as a private owned newspaper. Prior to 1991, there were mainly two dominant papers, i.e. the Times of Zambia, and the Zambia Daily Mail newspapers. For this study, the focus was on one private newspaper, i.e the Post newspaper, and the state owned newspapers, i.e. The Times of Zambia and the Zambia Daily Mail newspapers. Currently, on the Zambian market, the Post newspaper is the market leader with a market share of eighty (80%) percent by far surpassing the Times of Zambia and the Zambia Daily Mail which fall into the remaining twenty (20%) percent. This poses the question of why should a newly born newspaper, i.e the Post Newspaper, out match the old newspapers like the Times of Zambia and the Zambia Daily Mail newspapers. Obviously, the market share has to do with the acceptability of the paper. And from a business management point of view, this acceptability is dependent on the paper’s marketing strategies which are based on the marketing mix. Hence the reason for the research in this area. The history of each of the above stated newspapers is as follows: †¢The Times of Zambia newspaper The Times of Zambia is a national daily newspaper published in Zambia. During the colonial period this newspaper was known as The Northern News. It was founded in 1944 as a twice-weekly newspaper aimed at a European readership, owned first by Roy Welensky and then by the South African newspaper chain Argus. Argus then sold the paper to Lonhro, under which it was renamed the Times of Zambia on 1 July 1965. Lonhro had just bought out Heinrich Brewery which had briefly operated a daily, The Zambia Times and weekly Zambia News. Criticism of the government under the editorship of Dunston Kamana in the early 1970s and the change of the government to a one party state led to the purchase of Times of Zambia by the United National Independence Party (UNIP) government who then appointed its own editor, Vernon Mwaanga, in 1972. When the Movement for Multiparty Democracy (MMD) came to power in November 1991, it went to court claiming UNIP had illegally taken over the newspapers. The courts found in favour of the MMD, and ruled that the papers ownership be transferred to the Zambian Government. The Times of Zambia is now owned by the Zambian Government. After the independence of Zambia in 1964, the print media was run by the private sector with Times of Zambia then been published by Lonrho and the name Daily then Central African Mail was run by Scott and Astor. In 1969 it was purchased by the ruling United National Party (UNIP) (Banda, 2004). In 1983, the newspaper industries along with most other industries were nationalized as part of government’s humanism. The two newspapers were then turned into government companies and heavily subsidized by the government. In 1990, there was the introduction of multiparty government and an open, market –driven economy. Privately owned newspapers were reintroduced and according to the National Archives (2003) 137 publications, both newspapers and magazines, were registered between 1991 and 2002. Most of the registered newspapers were either aborted or died soon after the first few issues. The cover price of the newspapers has remained the same in Zambia at K3000.00 with new newspapers coming in and offering a lower price and then failing to survive all together. The other sources of income for newspapers are through the advertising which has grown with newspapers getting more and more expensive. This case research is intended at studying the various marketing strategies used by newspaper companies in Zambia and how they can increase competiveness. My aim is to find out the current marketing strategies of the major newspapers in Zambia, namely The Post, Daily Mail, Times of Zambia, The Guardian and The Mirror. The purpose of the study is to understand the current marketing strategies and come up with recommendations to increase competitiveness in this sector. 1.2 Background to the study After the introduction of the multi-party system and the subsequent liberalization of the economy, in Zambia, in 1991, the country saw the emergence of various types of privately owned newspapers in addition to the two regular newspapers, i.e The Times of Zambia and the Zambia Daily Mail. In all, the mid 1990s, there were several privately owned newspapers in addition to the two regular state owned newspapers stated above. What transpired is that some private newspapers came and went, whilst the two state owned newspapers have failed to be competitive and increase their market shares, but they have survived through Government subsidies. However, one privately owned newspaper, the Post Newspaper, has continued to grow its market share and today it is the market leader in its relevant market. The question of interest to the researcher is to determine the type and effectiveness of the marketing strategies that the Newspapers are using to increase their market share in the relevant markets. 1.3 Research Problem  Since the Liberalization of Zambia’s economy in 1991, several private newspapers have emerged to join the already existing state owned ones. However, most of the privately owned newspapers have collapsed, and the two state owned ones are failing to increase their market, but are surviving on Government subsidies. But one private newspaper, the Post, has continued to thrive to become the market leader. There is still very little competition in this industry with only a few as newspapers surviving and one major newspaper The Post is getting 80% of the market share (Banda 2004). Given this background, the researcher wants to determine the type of marketing strategies newspapers use, and the extent to which these marketing strategies are effective. Consequently, this will help the managements of the newspapers to improve their marketing strategies so as to provide quality services to their customers, and thereby increase their market share and competitivene ss.

Use Of Embryonic Stem Cells Philosophy Essay

Use Of Embryonic Stem Cells Philosophy Essay As we have entered into a new millennium, we are witnessing a number of changes around us, ranging from a small technology to biggest medical discoveries. It has also brought vast changes or rather improvements into bioscience as well, like completion of genome sequence, microarray technology to measure simultaneously the expressions of thousands of genes (Okarma). We have even been able to improve the efficiency of drugs. The latest technologies are really being helpful into the cure of chronic diseases. Among these the outstanding advancements is successful derivation of human embryonic stem (hES) cells. (Thompson 1998, 282). The embryonic stem cells are the self-renewing cells and they have got the capacity to produce all kind of human body cells. The sparkling advantages of these stem cells are, they allow permanent repair of the failing organs by injecting healthy functional cells that are developed from them. This field of medicine is also known as regenerative medicine. For example, the nervous tissues and the heart tissues cannot repair themselves as gastro-intestinal cells and skin tissues; the stem cells therapy allows the repair of these kinds of cells. Human body is made of certain organ systems that are capable of regeneration by themselves only throughout life, the skin cells are constantly shedding and they are replaced timely, same with the blood cells as well. The embryonic stem cells are the cells, that can produce any kind of human body cells. (Okarma). Understanding Human developmental biology Now for the obvious practical medical purpose it is nearly impossible to vigorously study the embryonic development of the humans. However the study of embryonic stem cells allows us to reveal the nature of human body development in every aspect from cells to cells and from tissues to tissues. Despite the study of laboratory animals for these purposes as they are identical with human body, certain aspects of human body and its mechanisms are different. (Okarma). It has been an objective of US health care system to study the reproductive and embryonic development in humans because according to statistics, one in every six couple trying to conceive show fertility disorders. 15% of the recognized pregnancy show premature pregnancy loss in United States. (Okarma). Until now study of embryogenesis at earlier stages was out of reach of scientists to direct studies. Since the introduction of the embryonic stem cells study it has become possible to study all the stages of human embryo or fetus development. This is an revolutionary invention that has provided us a number of ways to reach the roots of developmental defects and birth defects in humans. (Okarma). Identifying teratogens During the pregnancy the women are exposed to number of agents that can result into the child birth defects and fetal abnormalities, known as Teratogens. The human stem cells study can allow the screening of the environmental toxic agents and pharmaceuticals that could cause abnormalities of the developing fetus. (Okarma) Source of Human embryonic stem cells The invention of the stem cells from human embryo has been the most exciting development in the medical science. The medical experts worldwide have been more interested in using the Human embryonic stem cells into Regenerative medicine. The use of the human embryonic stem cells raises different ethical questions. The application of these cells can be applied to tissue engineering, genetic engineering and other medical research purposes. The use of the adult stem cells has not raised a controversy but the utilization of the human embryonic stem cells raise different ethical questions based on the sources of the cells. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005) There are three different sources for the stem cells that are currently used: Existing stem cell lines of the embryo Spare embryo- the embryos that are left unused. Embryos that are created for the purpose of research only. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005) Now from human embryos only there are two ways of getting the stem cells. First from the umbilical cord or uterine water and second is from the fetuses themselves. Now the first source of the cells produce less ethical questions because there are less moral issues related to the source of the cells. In second source when the fetuses are aborted, the cells are derived from them without difficulty. The ethical danger involved here is it is really hard and unethical to imagine that a woman is convinced to become pregnant for the sake of harvesting the fetus embryonic cells. (Teutsch). For example, surveys in the United States show that there is great public controversy about Embryonic stem cell research and therapeutic cloning. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005). These days limitations on stem cell research vary by country. In some places this research is not sufficiently supervised and regulated, and this raises moral questions themselves (Teutsch). The Ethical Problem When the question of moral status of embryo is raised, on one hand we are concerned with the rights they have got for the protection of life health, and body. And on the other hand what all obligations the moral agents do have towards them in regard to preserving these goods. (Østnor) The critics of stem cell research state a couple of main objectives: some of them state that despite its worthy ends, stem cell research is unethical because there, destruction of the human embryos is involved. Whereas others fear that even if research in itself is not unethical it will obviously create the possibilities of the dehumanizing practices, for examples, cloned babies, and embryo farms and use of fetuses as spare parts. Eventually this will lead to commoditization of human lives. (Michael J. Sandel, 2004). Some view the destruction of the human embryos during the stem cells research same as yanking the organs from a baby to save any other human life so, baby dies and other lives. Some of them combine the religious beliefs that the ensoulments occur at the time of conception only. While others try to defend without recourse to religious that we begin our life as embryo. If our life is worthy of respect irrespective of our age, then these embryos also should be considered as living organisms and hence should not be killed. (Michael J. Sandel, 2004). If stem cell therapy will be in routine practice, then the embryonic materials will become the source of the therapeutics and by using them there will be a situation where the respect for the human life will decrease. In these ways the sacrifice of the embryos earlier in their life will encourage polices of sacrificing the vulnerable for the benefits of others. This is also known as slippery-slope argument, meaning if we accept one condition then this acceptance will lead us to the toleration of certain unacceptable conditions. According to some moral philosophers there has always been a difference between act and omission. Actively killing someone is different than the passive efforts not put into practice to save someone. Though the outcome into both the cases is same here, both can be argued as destruction. Counter argument: In the counter argument, there are several who believe that the use of the spare embryos would not mean the destruction of life. They say that there is no issue to believe that the destruction of human embryo will undermine the respect of the human life in society. As destruction of embryos during the process of invitro fertilization and abortion has been in practice since a long, no change in the respect of human life has been observed. The destruction of the spare embryos during the process of invitro fertilization should be considered more problematic than the destruction of the spare embryo resulting from invitro fertilization to produce stem cells for the purpose of the therapeutics. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005) If we consider that the destruction of the embryos for the purpose of stems cells harvesting in order to find cure of certain incurable diseases immoral than the use of embryos for the purpose of treating infertility also should be considered immoral. It has been always in question whether the human embryos can be used for all purposes or for certain of them, for example certain prefers that its permeable to destruct the human embryos for the development of the cosmetics. Currently the accepted position is that that the human embryos should be used only in order to create the cure of certain human diseases only. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005). When the spare embryos that are donated for the purpose of research remain unused after a long period, they are destroyed. So there is no ethical question is raised there. So ultimately the outcome that the embryos are going to be used for the goodness of humans should be taken into consideration rather than making ethical questions, according to some. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005). The stem cells technology is also involved in the cloning process by somatic cell nuclear transfer. Now it can also be argues that allowing cloning technology by somatic cell nuclear transfer can be a step towards human reproductive cloning and its world wide acceptance. But there has been some counter arguments against human cloning by these techniques as use of certain techniques for this purpose is prohibited in most part of the world so legislation might prohibit reproductive cloning even if the application of somatic cell nuclear transfer technology to generate embryos for the purpose of harvesting stem cells from embryos may be an important step in the development of the cloning technology. There is also a danger of commercial pressure driving to promote more research of these kinds resulting into the decreased intrinsic respect of human body and life. (Hug, Sources of human em bryos for stem cell research, 2005). The research program on embryonic stems cells produces moral dilemma. It makes us to choose from two moral principles. Alleviate suffering or a duty to prevent. The duty of respecting the human body and life. (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) Either an embryo is considered as a person whilst its still an embryo, or its viewed as a potential person. The criterion of a personhood is really unclear. Arguments: the development of a person from an embryo is the continuous process; it starts as early as the egg is fertilized. As infancy is the stage where the human is in infant stage like that only this is the stage where the human is in the stage of embryo, the only fact that it does not hold any human characteristics at this stage. Eventually it will become a person so it should be given respect. Counter-arguments: Before implanting them into uterus, the embryos invitro does not hold any psychological, emotional and physical characteristics of a person. So it does not hold any interest to be prevented and those can be used for the benefits of the patients who are persons. (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) There has been also argument that the embryo has increasing status as it grows. There are several stages that might give importance to the embryos, e.g. implantation of embryo after six days of fertilization, the appearance of the primitive steak which is the beginning of development of the nervous system. The stage at which if baby is delivered prematurely then also can be survived. And finally birth. (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) Counter-arguments: we protect persons interests and life because they are important and valuables from the point of interest to universe but because they are valuable to the persons they are concerned with. Whatever moral status the embryo holds, the life it lives has a value to embryo itself. We cannot make any moral judgment based on the age of embryo, if we say that it becomes human as the primitive steak is formed, then what if the person who loses its nervous system in a stroke? is he not a human? (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) Religious views Different religions view stem cell research in different ways. Roman Catholic, orthodox and other protestant churches believe that the life begins as early as conception occurs, so no research should be permitted. Judaism and Islam emphasize the importance of helping others, so they prefer that the stem cells research should be permitted. They consider that there is no life before 40 days. (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) Should public funds be used to support such research? Though they are very microscopic, the stem cells have created a issue between the research scientists and the right to life advocates. As the stem cell research program needs a lot of investments, the question of who should fund the research program, has been in discussion since last few years. Scientists want to study and research the embryonic stem cells in hope of finding the unanswered treatments of certain incurable human diseases like spinal cord injuries, Parkinsonism, certain birth deformities, nervous system diseases and many more life threatening conditions. President of USA, Barack Obama issued an executive order to use the federal money in stem cells research programs in 2009. There have been many controversies against presidents this order. (Should the government fund embryonic stem cell research?) The United States Congress and the legislatures of more than 28 states have considered spending billions of tax payers dollars into the stem cell research program over next several years. In 2004 California state government organized a peoples pole to know their will of spending the public fund for stem cells research programs. It is also known as Proposition 71 bond measure, which had authorized the state to raise 3 billion USD over upcoming 10 years to fund such research. Then also the debates rage over the ethical question that whether the public fund should be used for such program in which the embryos, which are considered lives, killed. Is it really justified to use public funding for such research? (Elgin, 2008) The programs like Proposition 71 are stuck in to mud as they are politically debatable, speculative and controversial because the stem cells research itself is very politically controversial. Each stem cells research program remains to be highly speculative so the government should not gamble with public fund into such programs where we cannot predict the results at all. (Elgin, 2008). In an interview with the UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles) experts they expressed their view as follows. Owen Witte who is the director of the stem cell biology and medicine said that its governments responsibility to do everything possible. Edwin Bayrd, UCLA AIDS Institute had to say that this country has a long tradition of funding scientific research from taxpayers fund. So these research programs also can never be exceptions. Whereas Stephen Brainbridge added that if one believes that life begins at the time of conception then the act of creating lives by destroying them is an evil act. (Do you believe public funds should be used to support stem cell research?, 2006) At this point in time no one knows that how successful any stem cell research is going to be. Or it is still difficult to predict that whether the stem cell research can really find solution to certain incurable medical conditions. Embryonic stem cells are clearly versatile but the scientists have not been able to control the growth of those embryonic stem cells. On the other hand the interactions of stem cells with other types of cells may lead to the development of tumors and certain kind of tissue rejection reactions. In 2006, the US National academy of science stated that development of the feasible therapies out of the embryonic stem cells research may take years or even decades. Even if they find some therapies then, they are needed to be tested first, means more investments of time and money. So the politicians who promise of finding the cure for certain diseases are becoming totally disingenuous. (Elgin, 2008). In November 2007, New Jersey voters rejected the initiative to borrow the sum of $450 million to invest or fund in a state-run stem cells program. Because the people of New Jersey knew how little was the advantage of public funding into the stem cells program in state of California. Following James Thomsons discovery that stem cells are self renewing cells, the funding to stem cells research become political feasible and very popular, though the destruction of embryos for these purpose was considered unethical. (Elgin, 2008) Conclusion According to my personal views, my religious beliefs, it is unethical to kill the embryos and harvest the stem cells in a process to save the lives. It simply means that you are killing someone to save the lives of someone. Better would be the developments of the alternatives to be away from all these ethical issues. To date there are eight alternatives available to the embryonic stem cells. (Hug, Sources of human embryos for stem cell research, 2005) The Stem cells have been found into adult tissues like skin, intestine, bone marrow, brain etc. those who are against the use of embryonic stem cells research claim the use of these alternatives of the stem cells. There is a possible way to avoid destroying the viable human embryonic stem cells in the course of conducting research of stem cells could be to produce non-viable human embryo by performing nuclear transplant into a nuclear less egg of suitable species. The Embryonic stem cells that are to be transplanted may be immunologically incompatible with that of recipient. So to solve this problem a tissue bank with the large number of different kind of stem cells can be established. In place of using new embryos and embryonic stem cells line, scientists can use the embryonic stem cells and the differentiated stem cells obtained from them. The new possibility has been found by scientist recently that the stem cells can be produced at an early stage than they used to be. Scientists have found the possibility of growing stem cells at four day old human embryo called Morula. There is a theoretical possibility in which the possibility of destruction of the embryo can be avoided. Scientists are checking and testing the possibility of growing the single cell plucked from a Morula stage of embryo. If the researches on the embryonic stem cells are being prohibited because of the destruction of the embryo then there are the chances of splitting the embryos. There are the chances of genetic modification of the oocytes in such a manner that if fertilized they wont produce a viable human being. All currently available methods of harvesting stem cells from different sources and their research are the issues to be discussed ethically in respect to the human embryo and human life. To avoid the ethical issues there are new alternatives to the sources of the cells should be taken into the consideration. (Hug, Embryonic stem cell research: an ethical dilemma, 2011) To my personal views, the use of embryo to harvest the cells are totally unethical and public funds should not be used for this kind of anti-human act, though I appreciate the process of the research that has got the hope of development of many newer medical cures. But for that many available alternatives should be taken into consideration.

Tasting Colors and Feeling Sounds :: Biology Essays Research Papers

Tasting Colors and Feeling Sounds: Modes of Reality Each individual experiences reality in a different way. Show ten people the same picture, and each will present a different description of the scene. We all live in the same world and yet we all have different philosophies and ideas about reality and life. What do these differences tell us about objective reality? Do our senses detect the same reality, or does each person see a different picture in her head? To some extent, this difference seems to hold true. What holds significance for me does not seem important to other people. The reality I grasp is unique to me. For a small portion of people their sensory reality differs radically from the accepted norms of society (1). They suffer from a rare condition, synesthesia, which remains constant throughout their lives. Synaesthetes, instead of having their senses in concrete, separate blocks, blend different senses. Many merge their perceptions of words and numbers with different colors. In stronger cases, people see colors and shapes floating in their visual field when they hear certain musical tones. In one extreme case, a man felt specific tactile sensations when he smelled different things. Even more radically, some scientists now say all humans may have undifferentiated senses in early stages of development. This paper will explore the understanding of synesthesia in terms of sensory development. The first of four sections will establish contemporary criteria for synesthesia and will evaluate its usefulness. >From this foundation, the paper will explore the possible associative origins of their condition. It will then analyze the shared physical characteristics among synaesthetes, and the origins of synesthesia in infants. Finally, this paper will examine the neurological basis for synesthesia in adult synaesthetes. Definitions Synaesthetes experience "cross-modal" sensory associations involuntarily, such that the experience of one sense stimulates the sensations of another (1). Cytowic defines five features of clinical synesthesia (1). First, people experience synesthetic phenomena involuntarily whenever presented with a certain stimulus. The experience is not a forced association, but one the subject has felt since birth. Also, an actively-induced synesthetic perception, rather than a passive experience, is not a genuine phenomenon. Synaesthetes project the sensation into peri-personal space; they sense an actual physical quality outside of the self, not an internal sensation or aura. In addition, the triggered synesthetic perceptions remain constant over time and are unelaborated, generic perceptions. Synaesthetes report the experiences to be memorable, and emotional.

The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 3. Phenomenon

Truly, I was not thirsty, but I decided to hunt again that night. A small ounce of prevention, inadequate though I knew it to be. Carlisle came with me; we hadn't been alone together since I'd returned from Denali. As we ran through the black forest, I heard him thinking about that hasty goodbye last week. In his memory, I saw the way my features had been twisted in fierce despair. I felt his surprise and sudden worry. â€Å"Edward?† â€Å"I have to go, Carlisle. I have to go now.† â€Å"What's happened?† â€Å"Nothing. Yet. But it will, if I stay.† He'd reached for my arm. I felt how it had hurt him when I'd cringed away from his hand. â€Å"I don't understand.† â€Å"Have you ever†¦has there ever been a time†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I watched myself take a deep breath, saw the wild light in my eyes through the filter of his deep concern. â€Å"Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them? Much better?† â€Å"Oh.† When I'd known that he understood, my face had fallen with shame. He'd reached out to touch me, ignoring it when I'd recoiled again, and left his hand on my shoulder. â€Å"Do what you must to resist, son. I will miss you. Here, take my car. It's faster.† He was wondering now if he'd done the right thing then, sending me away. Wondering if he hadn't hurt me with his lack of trust. â€Å"No,† I whispered as I ran. â€Å"That was what I needed. I might so easily have betrayed that trust, if you'd told me to stay.† â€Å"I'm sorry you're suffering, Edward. But you should do what you can to keep the Swan child alive. Even if it means that you must leave us again.† â€Å"I know, I know.† â€Å"Why did you come back? You know how happy I am to have you here, but if this is too difficult†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"I didn't like feeling a coward,† I admitted. We'd slowed – we were barely jogging through the darkness now. â€Å"Better that than to put her in danger. She'll be gone in a year or two.† â€Å"You're right, I know that.† Contrarily, though, his words only made me more anxious to stay. The girl would be gone in a year or two†¦ Carlisle stopped running and I stopped with him; he turned to examine my expression. But you're not going to run, are you? I hung my head. Is it pride, Edward? There's no shame in – â€Å"No, it isn't pride that keeps me here. Not now.† Nowhere to go? I laughed shortly. â€Å"No. That wouldn't stop me, if I could make myself leave.† â€Å"We'll come with you, of course, if that's what you need. You only have to ask. You've moved on without complaint for the rest of them. They won't begrudge you this.† I raised one eyebrow. He laughed. â€Å"Yes, Rosalie might, but she owes you. Anyway, it's much better for us to leave now, no damage done, than for us to leave later, after a life has been ended.† All humor was gone by the end. I flinched at his words. â€Å"Yes,† I agreed. My voice sounded hoarse. But you're not leaving? I sighed. â€Å"I should.† â€Å"What holds you here, Edward? I'm failing to see†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"I don't know if I can explain.† Even to myself, it made no sense. He measured my expression for a long moment. No, I do not see. But I will respect your privacy, if you prefer. â€Å"Thank you. It's generous of you, seeing as how I give privacy to no one.† With one exception. And I was doing what I could to deprive her of that, wasn't I? We all have our quirks. He laughed again. Shall we? He'd just caught the scent of a small herd of deer. It was hard to rally much enthusiasm for what was, even under the best of circumstances, a less than mouthwatering aroma. Right now, with the memory of the girl's blood fresh in my mind, the smell actually turned my stomach. I sighed. â€Å"Let's,† I agreed, though I knew that forcing more blood down my throat would help so little. We both shifted into a hunting crouch and let the unappealing scent pull us silently forward. It was colder when we returned home. The melted snow had refrozen; it was as if a thin sheet of glass covered everything – each pine needle, each fern frond, each blade of grass was iced over. While Carlisle went to dress for his early shift at the hospital, I stayed by the river, waiting for the sun to rise. I felt almost swollen from the amount of blood I'd consumed, but I knew the lack of actual thirst would mean little when I sat beside the girl again. Cool and motionless as the stone I sat on, I stared at the dark water running beside the icy bank, stared right through it. Carlisle was right. I should leave Forks. They could spread some story to explain my absence. Boarding school in Europe. Visiting distant relatives. Teenage runaway. The story didn't matter. No one would question too intensely. It was just a year or two, and then the girl would disappear. She would go on with her life – she would have a life to go on with. She'd go to college somewhere, get older, start a career, perhaps marry someone. I could picture that – I could see the girl dressed all in white and walking at a measured pace, her arm through her father's. It was odd, the pain that image caused me. I couldn't understand it. Was I jealous, because she had a future that I could never have? That made no sense. Every one of the humans around me had that same potential ahead of them – a life – and I rarely stopped to envy them. I should leave her to her future. Stop risking her life. That was the right thing to do. Carlisle always chose the right way. I should listen to him now. The sun rose behind the clouds, and the faint light glistened off all the frozen glass. One more day, I decided. I would see her one more time. I could handle that. Perhaps I would mention my pending disappearance, set the story up. This was going to be difficult; I could feel that in the heavy reluctance that was already making me think of excuses to stay – to extend the deadline to two days, three, four†¦ But I would do the right thing. I knew I could trust Carlisle's advice. And I also knew that I was too conflicted to make the right decision alone. Much too conflicted. How much of this reluctance came from my obsessive curiosity, and how much came from my unsatisfied appetite? I went inside to change into fresh clothes for school. Alice was waiting for me, sitting on the top step at the edge of the third floor. You're leaving again, she accused me. I sighed and nodded. I can't see where you're going this time. â€Å"I don't know where I'm going yet,† I whispered. I want you to stay. I shook my head. Maybe Jazz and I could come with you? â€Å"They'll need you all the more, if I'm not here to watch out for them. And think of Esme. Would you take half her family away in one blow?† You're going to make her so sad. â€Å"I know. That's why you have to stay.† That's not the same as having you here, and you know it. â€Å"Yes. But I have to do what's right.† There are many right ways, and many wrong ways, though, aren't there? For a brief moment she was swept away into one of her strange visions; I watched along with her as the indistinct images flickered and whirled. I saw myself mixed in with strange shadows that I couldn't make out – hazy, imprecise forms. And then, suddenly, my skin was glittering in the bright sunlight of a small open meadow. This was a place I knew. There was a figure in the meadow with me, but, again, it was indistinct, not there enough to recognize. The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny choices rearranged the future again. â€Å"I didn't catch much of that,† I told her when the vision went dark. Me either. Your future is shifting around so much I can't keep up with any of it. I think, though†¦ She stopped, and she flipped through a vast collection of other recent visions for me. They were all the same – blurry and vague. â€Å"I think something is changing, though,† she said out loud. â€Å"Your life seems to be at a crossroads.† I laughed grimly. â€Å"You do realize that you sound like a bogus gypsy at a carnival now, right?† She stuck her tiny tongue out at me. â€Å"Today is all right, though, isn't it?† I asked, my voice abruptly apprehensive. â€Å"I don't see you killing anyone today,† she assured me. â€Å"Thanks, Alice.† â€Å"Go get dressed. I won't say anything – I'll let you tell the others when you're ready.† She stood and darted back down the stairs, her shoulders hunched slightly. Miss you. Really. Yes, I would really miss her, too. It was a quiet ride to school. Jasper could tell that Alice was upset about something, but he knew that if she wanted to talk about it she would have done so already. Emmett and Rosalie were oblivious, having another of their moments, gazing into each others' eyes with wonder – it was rather disgusting to watch from the outside. We were all quite aware how desperately in love they were. Or maybe I was just being bitter because I was the only one alone. Some days it was harder than others to live with three sets of perfectly matched lovers. This was one of them. Maybe they would all be happier without me hanging around, ill-tempered and belligerent as the old man I should be by now. Of course, the first thing I did when we reached the school was to look for the girl. Just preparing myself again. Right. It was embarrassing how my world suddenly seemed to be empty of everything but her – my whole existence centered around the girl, rather than around myself anymore. It was easy enough to understand, though, really; after eighty years of the same thing every day and every night, any change became a point of absorption. She had not yet arrived, but could I hear the thunderous chugging of her truck's engine in the distance. I leaned against the side of the car to wait. Alice stayed with me, while the others went straight to class. They were bored with my fixation – it was incomprehensible to them how any human could hold my interest for so long, no matter how delicious she smelled. The girl drove slowly into view, her eyes intent on the road and her hands tight on the wheel. She seemed anxious about something. It took me a second to figure out what that something was, to realize that every human wore the same expression today. Ah, the road was slick with ice, and they were all trying to drive more carefully. I could see she was taking the added risk seriously. That seemed in line with what little I had learned of her character. I added this to my small list: she was a serious person, a responsible person. She parked not too far from me, but she hadn't noticed me standing here yet, staring at her. I wondered what she would do when she did? Blush and walk away? That was my first guess. But maybe she would stare back. Maybe she would come to talk to me. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs hopefully, just in case. She got out of the truck with care, testing the slick ground before she put her weight on it. She didn't look up, and that frustrated me. Maybe I would go talk to her†¦ No, that would be wrong. Instead of turning toward the school, she made her way to the rear of her truck, clinging to the side of the truck bed in a droll way, not trusting her footing. It made me smile, and I felt Alice's eyes on my face. I didn't listen to whatever this made her think – I was having too much fun watching the girl check her snow chains. She actually looked in some danger of falling, the way her feet were sliding around. No one else was having trouble – had she parked in the worst of the ice? She paused there, staring down with a strange expression on her face. It was†¦tender? As if something about the tire was making her†¦emotional? Again, the curiosity ached like a thirst. It was as if I had to know what she was thinking – as if nothing else mattered. I would go talk to her. She looked like she could use a hand anyway, at least until she was off the slick pavement. Of course, I couldn't offer her that, could I? I hesitated, torn. As adverse as she seemed to be to snow, she would hardly welcome the touch of my cold white hand. I should have worn gloves – â€Å"NO!† Alice gasped aloud. Instantly, I scanned her thoughts, guessing at first that I had made a poor choice and she saw me doing something inexcusable. But it had nothing to do with me at all. Tyler Crowley had chosen to take the turn into the parking lot at an injudicious speed. This choice would send him skidding across a patch of ice†¦ The vision came just half a second before the reality. Tyler's van rounded the corner as I was still watching the conclusion that had pulled the horrified gasp through Alice's lips. No, this vision had nothing to do with me, and yet it had everything to do with me, because Tyler's van – the tires right now hitting the ice at the worst possible angle – was going to spin across the lot and crush the girl who had become the uninvited focal point of my world. Even without Alice's foresight it would have been simple enough to read the trajectory of the vehicle, flying out of Tyler's control. The girl, standing in the exactly wrong place at the back of her truck, looked up, bewildered by the sound of the screeching tires. She looked straight into my horrorstruck eyes, and then turned to watch her approaching death. Not her! The words shouted in my head as if they belonged to someone else. Still locked into Alice's thoughts, I saw the vision suddenly shift, but I had no time to see what the outcome would be. I launched myself across the lot, throwing myself between the skidding van and the frozen girl. I moved so fast that everything was a streaky blur except for the object of my focus. She didn't see me – no human eyes could have followed my flight – still staring at the hulking shape that was about to grind her body into the metal frame of her truck. I caught her around the waist, moving with too much urgency to be as gentle as she would need me to be. In the hundredth of a second between the time that I yanked her slight form out of the path of death and the time that I crashed into to the ground with her in my arms, I was vividly aware of her fragile, breakable body. When I heard her head crack against the ice, it felt like I had turned to ice, too. But I didn't even have a full second to ascertain her condition. I heard the van behind us, grating and squealing as it twisted around the sturdy iron body of the girl's truck. It was changing course, arcing, coming for her again – like she was a magnet, pulling it toward us. A word I'd never said before in the presence of a lady slid between my clenched teeth. I had already done too much. As I'd nearly flown through the air to push her out of the way, I'd been fully aware of the mistake I was making. Knowing that it was a mistake did not stop me, but I was not oblivious to the risk I was taking – taking, not just for myself, but for my entire family. Exposure. And this certainly wasn't going to help, but there was no way I was going to allow the van to succeed in its second attempt to take her life. I dropped her and threw my hands out, catching the van before it could touch the girl. The force of it hurled me back into the car parked beside her truck, and I could feel its frame buckle behind my shoulders. The van shuddered and shivered against the unyielding obstacle of my arms, and then swayed, balancing unstably on the two far tires. If I moved my hands, the back tire of the van was going fall onto her legs. Oh, for the love of all that was holy, would the catastrophes never end? Was there anything else that could go wrong? I could hardly sit here, holding the van in the air, and wait for rescue. Nor could I throw the van away – there was the driver to consider, his thoughts incoherent with panic. With an internal groan, I shoved the van so that it rocked away from us for an instant. As it fell back toward me, I caught it under the frame with my right hand while I wrapped my left arm around the girl's waist again and drug her out from under the van, pulling her tight up against my side. Her body moved limply as I swung her around so that her legs would be in the clear – was she conscious? How much damage had I done to her in my impromptu rescue attempt? I let the van drop, now that it could not hurt her. It crashed to the pavement, all the windows shattering in unison. I knew that I was in the middle of a crisis. How much had she seen? Had any other witnesses watched me materialize at her side and then juggle the van while I tried to keep her out from under it? These questions should be my biggest concern. But I was too anxious to really care about the threat of exposure as much as I should. Too panic-stricken that I might have injured her myself in my effort to protect her. Too frightened to have her this close to me, knowing what I would smell if I allowed myself to inhale. Too aware of the heat of her soft body, pressed against mine – even through the double obstacle of our jackets, I could feel that heat†¦ The first fear was the greatest fear. As the screaming of the witnesses erupted around us, I leaned down to examine her face, to see if she was conscious – hoping fiercely that she was not bleeding anywhere. Her eyes were open, staring in shock. â€Å"Bella?† I asked urgently. â€Å"Are you all right?† â€Å"I'm fine.† She said the words automatically in a dazed voice. Relief, so exquisite it was nearly pain, washed through me at the sound of her voice. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, and did not mind the accompanying burn in my throat. I almost welcomed it. She struggled to sit up, but I was not ready to release her. It felt somehow†¦safer? Better, at least, having her tucked into my side. â€Å"Be careful,† I warned her. â€Å"I think you hit your head pretty hard.† There had been no smell of fresh blood – a mercy, that – but this did not rule out internal damage. I was abruptly anxious to get her to Carlisle and a full compliment of radiology equipment. â€Å"Ow,† she said, her tone comically shocked as she realized I was right about her head. â€Å"That's what I thought.† Relief made it funny to me, made me almost giddy. â€Å"How in the†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Her voice trailed off, and her eyelids fluttered. â€Å"How did you get over here so fast?† The relief turned sour, the humor vanished. She had noticed too much. Now that it appeared that the girl was in decent shape, the anxiety for my family became severe. â€Å"I was standing right next to you, Bella.† I knew from experience that if I was very confident as I lied, it made any questioner less sure of the truth. She struggled to move again, and this time I allowed it. I needed to breathe so that I could play my role correctly. I needed space from her warm-blooded heat so that it would not combine with her scent to overwhelm me. I slid away from her, as far as was possible in the small space between the wrecked vehicles. She stared up at me, and I stared back. To look away first was a mistake only an incompetent liar would make, and I was not an incompetent liar. My expression was smooth, benign†¦ It seemed to confuse her. That was good. The accident scene was surrounded now. Mostly students, children, peering and pushing through the cracks to see if any mangled bodies were visible. There was a babble of shouting and a gush of shocked thought. I scanned the thoughts once to make sure there were no suspicions yet, and then tuned it out and concentrated only on the girl. She was distracted by the bedlam. She glanced around, her expression still stunned, and tried to get to her feet. I put my hand lightly on her shoulder to hold her down. â€Å"Just stay put for now.† She seemed alright, but should she really be moving her neck? Again, I wished for Carlisle. My years of theoretical medical study were no match for his centuries of hands-on medical practice. â€Å"But it's cold,† she objected. She had almost been crushed to death two distinct times and crippled one more, and it was the cold that worried her. A chuckle slid through my teeth before I could remember that the situation was not funny. Bella blinked, and then her eyes focused on my face. â€Å"You were over there.† That sobered me again. She glanced toward the south, though there was nothing to see now but the crumpled side of the van. â€Å"You were by your car.† â€Å"No, I wasn't.† â€Å"I saw you,† she insisted; her voice was childlike when she was being stubborn. Her chin jutted out. â€Å"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.† I stared deeply into her wide eyes, trying to will her into accepting my version – the only rational version on the table. Her jaw set. â€Å"No.† I tried to stay calm, to not panic. If only I could keep her quiet for a few moments, to give me a chance to destroy the evidence†¦.and undermine her story by disclosing her head injury. Shouldn't it be easy to keep this silent, secretive girl quiet? If only she would trust me, just for a few moments†¦ â€Å"Please, Bella,† I said, and my voice was too intense, because I suddenly wanted her to trust me. Wanted it badly, and not just in regards to this accident. A stupid desire. What sense would it make for her to trust me? â€Å"Why?† she asked, still defensive. â€Å"Trust me,† I pleaded. â€Å"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?† It made me angry to have to lie to her again, when I so much wished that I could somehow deserve her trust. So, when I answered her, it was a retort. â€Å"Fine.† â€Å"Fine,† she echoed in the same tone. While the rescue attempt began around us – adults arriving, authorities called, sirens in the distance – I tried to ignore the girl and get my priorities in the right order. I searched through every mind in the lot, the witnesses and the latecomers both, but I could find nothing dangerous. Many were surprised to see me here beside Bella, but all concluded – as there was no other possible conclusion – that they had just not noticed me standing by the girl before the accident. She was the only one who didn't accept the easy explanation, but she would be considered the least reliable witness. She had been frightened, traumatized, not to mention sustaining the blow to the head. Possibly in shock. It would be acceptable for her story to be confused, wouldn't it? No one would give it much credence above so many other spectators†¦ I winced when I caught the thoughts of Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett, just arriving on the scene. There would be hell to pay for this tonight. I wanted to iron out the indention my shoulders had made against the tan car, but the girl was too close. I'd have to wait till she was distracted. It was frustrating to wait – so many eyes on me – as the humans struggled with the van, trying to pull it away from us. I might have helped them, just to speed the process, but I was already in enough trouble and the girl had sharp eyes. Finally, they were able to shift it far enough away for the EMTs to get to us with their stretchers. A familiar, grizzled face appraised me. â€Å"Hey, Edward,† Brett Warner said. He was also a registered nurse, and I knew him well from the hospital. It was a stroke of luck – the only luck today – that he was the first through to us. In his thoughts, he was noting that I looked alert and calm. â€Å"You okay, kid?† â€Å"Perfect, Brett. Nothing touched me. But I'm afraid Bella here might have a concussion. She really hit her head when I yanked her out of the way†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Brett turned his attention to the girl, who shot me a fierce look of betrayal. Oh, that was right. She was the quiet martyr – she'd prefer to suffer in silence. She did not contradict my story immediately, though, and this made me feel easier. The next EMT tried to insist that I allow myself to be treated, but it wasn't too difficult to dissuade him. I promised I would let my father examine me, and he let it go. With most humans, speaking with cool assurance was all that was needed. Most humans, just not the girl, of course. Did she fit into any of the normal patterns? As they put a neck brace on her – and her face flushed scarlet with embarrassment – I used the moment of distraction to quietly rearrange the shape of the dent in the tan car with the back of my foot. Only my siblings noticed what I was doing, and I heard Emmett's mental promise to catch anything I missed. Grateful for his help – and more grateful that Emmett, at least, had already forgiven my dangerous choice – I was more relaxed as I climbed into the front seat of the ambulance next to Brett. The chief of police arrived before they had gotten Bella into the back of the ambulance. Though Bella's father's thoughts were past words, the panic and concern emanating out of the man's mind drown out just about every other thought in the vicinity. Wordless anxiety and guilt, a great swell of them, washed out of him as he saw his only daughter on the gurney. Washed out of him and through me, echoing and growing stronger. When Alice had warned me that killing Charlie Swan's daughter would kill him, too, she had not been exaggerating. My head bowed with that guilt as I listened to his panicked voice. â€Å"Bella!† he shouted. â€Å"I'm completely fine, Char – Dad.† She sighed. â€Å"There's nothing wrong with me.† Her assurance barely soothed his dread. He turned at once to the closest EMT and demanded more information. I wasn't until I heard him speaking, forming perfectly coherent sentences despite his panic, that I realized that his anxiety and concern were not wordless. I just†¦could not hear the exact words. Hmm. Charlie Swan was not as silent as his daughter, but I could see where she got it from. Interesting. I'd never spent much time around the town's police chief. I'd always taken him for a man of slow thought – now I realized that I was the one who was slow. His thoughts were partially concealed, not absent. I could only make out the tenor, the tone of them†¦ I wanted to listen harder, to see if I could find in this new, lesser puzzle the key to the girl's secrets. But Bella was loaded into the back by then, and the ambulance was on its way. It was hard to tear myself away from this possible solution to the mystery that had come to obsess me. But I had to think now – to look at what had been done today from every angle. I had to listen, to make sure that I had not put us all in so much danger that we would have to leave immediately. I had to concentrate. There was nothing in the thoughts of the EMTs to worry me. As far as they could tell, there was nothing seriously wrong with the girl. And Bella was sticking to the story I'd provided, thus far. The first priority, when we reached the hospital, was to see Carlisle. I hurried through the automatic doors, but I was unable to totally forgo watching after Bella; I kept an eye on her through the paramedics' thoughts. It was easy to find my father's familiar mind. He was in his small office, all alone – the second stroke of luck in this luckless day. â€Å"Carlisle.† He'd heard my approach, and he was alarmed as soon as he saw my face. He jumped to his feet, his face paling to bone white. He leaned forward across the neatly organized walnut desk. Edward – you didn't – â€Å"No, no, it's not that.† He took deep breath. Of course not. I'm sorry I entertained the thought. Your eyes, of course, I should have known†¦ He noted my still-golden eyes with relief. â€Å"She's hurt, though, Carlisle, probably not seriously, but – â€Å" â€Å"What happened?† â€Å"A stupid car accident. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I couldn't just stand there – let it crush her – â€Å" Start over, I don't understand. How were you involved? â€Å"A van skidded across the ice,† I whispered. I stared at the wall behind him while I spoke. Instead of a throng of framed diplomas, he had one simple oil painting – a favorite of his, an undiscovered Hassam. â€Å"She was in the way. Alice saw it coming, but there wasn't time to do anything but really run across the lot and shove her out of the way. No one noticed†¦except for her. I had to stop the van, too, but again, nobody saw that†¦besides her. I'm†¦I'm sorry Carlisle. I didn't mean to put us in danger.† He circled the desk and put his hand on my shoulder. You did the right thing. And it couldn't have been easy for you. I'm proud of you, Edward. I could look him in the eye then. â€Å"She knows there's something†¦wrong with me.† â€Å"That doesn't matter. If we have to leave, we leave. What has she said?† I shook my head, a little frustrated. â€Å"Nothing yet.† Yet? â€Å"She agreed to my version of events – but she's expecting an explanation.† He frowned, pondering this. â€Å"She hit her head – well, I did that,† I continued quickly. â€Å"I knocked her to the ground fairly hard. She seems fine, but†¦ I don't think it will take much to discredit her account.† I felt like a cad just saying the words. Carlisle heard the distaste in my voice. Perhaps that won't be necessary. Let's see what happens, shall we? It sounds like I have a patient to check on. â€Å"Please,† I said. â€Å"I'm so worried that I hurt her.† Carlisle's expression brightened. He smoothed his fair hair – just a few shades lighter than his golden eyes – and he laughed. It's been an interesting day for you, hasn't it? In his mind, I could see the irony, and it was humorous, at least to him. Quite the reversal of roles. Somewhere during that short thoughtless second when I'd sprinted across the icy lot, I had transformed from killer to protector. I laughed with him, remembering how sure I'd been that Bella would never need protecting from anything more than myself. There was an edge to my laugh because, van notwithstanding, that was still entirely true. I waited alone in Carlisle's office – one of the longer hours I had ever lived – listening to the hospital full of thoughts. Tyler Crowley, the van's driver, looked to be hurt worse than Bella, and the attention shifted to him while she waited her turn to be X-rayed. Carlisle kept in the background, trusting the PA's diagnosis that the girl was only slightly injured. This made me anxious, but I knew he was right. One glance at his face and she would be immediately reminded of me, of the fact that there was something not right about my family, and that might set her talking. She certainly had a willing enough partner to converse with. Tyler was consumed with guilt over the fact that he had almost killed her, and he couldn't seem to shut up about it. I could see her expression through his eyes, and it was clear that she wished he would stop. How did he not see that? There was a tense moment for me when Tyler asked her how she'd gotten out of the way. I waited, not breathing, as she hesitated. â€Å"Um†¦Ã¢â‚¬  he heard her say. Then she paused for so long that Tyler wondered if his question had confused her. Finally, she went on. â€Å"Edward pulled me out of the way.† I exhaled. And then my breathing accelerated. I'd never heard her speak my name before. I like the way it sounded – even just hearing it through Tyler's thoughts. I wanted to hear it for myself†¦ â€Å"Edward Cullen,† she said, when Tyler didn't realize who she meant. I found myself at the door, my hand on the knob. The desire to see her was growing stronger. I had to remind myself of the need for caution. â€Å"He was standing next to me.† â€Å"Cullen?† Huh. That's weird. â€Å"I didn't see him.† I could have sworn†¦ â€Å"Wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?† â€Å"I think so. He's here somewhere, but they didn't make him use a stretcher.† I saw the thoughtful look on her face, the suspicious tightening of her eyes, but these little changes in her expression were lost on Tyler. She's pretty, he was thinking, almost in surprise. Even all messed up. Not my usual type, still†¦ I should take her out. Make up for today†¦ I was out in the hall, then, halfway to the emergency room, without thinking for one second about what I was doing. Luckily, the nurse entered the room before I could – it was Bella's turn for X-rays. I leaned against the wall in a dark nook just around the corner, and tried to get a grip on myself while she was wheeled away. It didn't matter that Tyler thought she was pretty. Anyone would notice that. There was no reason for me to feel†¦how did I feel? Annoyed? Or was angry closer to the truth? That made no sense at all. I stayed where I was for as long as I could, but impatience got the best of me and I took a back way around to the radiology room. She'd already been moved back to the ER, but I was able to take a peek at her x-rays while the nurse's back was turned. I felt calmer when I had. Her head was fine. I hadn't hurt her, not really. Carlisle caught me there. You look better, he commented. I just looked straight ahead. We weren't alone, the halls full of orderlies and visitors. Ah, yes. He stuck her x-rays to the lightboard, but I didn't need a second look. I see. She's absolutely fine. Well done, Edward. The sound of my father's approval created a mixed reaction in me. I would have been pleased, except that I knew that he would not approve of what I was going to do now. At least, he would not approve if he knew my real motivations†¦ â€Å"I think I'm going to go talk to her – before she sees you,† I murmured under my breath. â€Å"Act natural, like nothing happened. Smooth it over.† All acceptable reasons. Carlisle nodded absently, still looking over the x-rays. â€Å"Good idea. Hmm.† I looked to see what had his interest. Look at all the healed contusions! How many times did her mother drop her? Carlisle laughed to himself at his joke. â€Å"I'm beginning to think the girl just has really bad luck. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.† Forks is certainly the wrong place for her, with you here. I flinched. Go ahead. Smooth things over. I'll join you momentarily. I walked away quickly, feeling guilty. Perhaps I was too good a liar, if I could fool Carlisle. When I got to the ER, Tyler was mumbling under his breath, still apologizing. The girl was trying to escape his remorse by pretending to sleep. Her eyes were closed, but her breathing was not even, and now and then her fingers would twitch impatiently. I stared at her face for a long moment. This was the last time I would see her. That fact triggered an acute aching in my chest. Was it because I hated to leave any puzzle unsolved? That did not seem like enough of an explanation. Finally, I took a deep breath and moved into view. When Tyler saw me, he started to speak, but I put one finger to my lips. â€Å"Is she sleeping?† I murmured. Bella's eyes snapped open and focused on my face. They widened momentarily, and then narrowed in anger or suspicion. I remembered that I had a role to play, so I smiled at her as if nothing unusual had happened this morning – besides a blow to her head and a bit of imagination run wild. â€Å"Hey, Edward,† Tyler said. â€Å"I'm really sorry – â€Å" I raised one hand to halt his apology. â€Å"No blood, no foul,† I said wryly. Without thinking, I smiled too widely at my private joke. It was amazingly easy to ignore Tyler, lying no more than four feet from me, covered in fresh blood. I'd never understood how Carlisle was able to do that – ignore the blood of his patients in order to treat them. Wouldn't the constant temptation be so distracting, so dangerous†¦? But, now†¦ I could see how, if you were focusing on something else hard enough, the temptation was be nothing at all. Even fresh and exposed, Tyler's blood had nothing on Bella's. I kept my distance from her, seating myself on the foot of Tyler's mattress. â€Å"So, what's the verdict?† I asked her. Her lower lip pushed out a little. â€Å"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?† Her impatience made me smile again. I could hear Carlisle in the hall now. â€Å"It's all about who you know,† I said lightly. â€Å"But don't worry, I came to spring you.† I watched her reaction carefully as my father entered the room. Her eyes widened and her mouth actually fell open in surprise. I groaned internally. Yes, she'd certainly noticed the resemblance. â€Å"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?† Carlisle asked. He had a wonderfully soothing beside manner that put most patients at ease within moments. I couldn't tell how it affected Bella. â€Å"I'm fine,† she said quietly. Carlisle clipped her X-rays to the lightboard by the bed. â€Å"Your X-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard.† She sighed, and said, â€Å"I'm fine,† again, but this time impatience leaked into her voice. Then she glowered once in my direction. Carlisle stepped closer to her and ran his fingers gently over her scalp until he found the bump under her hair. I was caught off guard by the wave of emotion that crashed over me. I had seen Carlisle work with humans a thousand times. Years ago, I had even assisted him informally – though only in situations where blood was not involved. So it wasn't a new thing to me, to watch him interact with the girl as if he were as human as she was. I'd envied his control many times, but that was not the same as this emotion. I envied him more than his control. I ached for the difference between Carlisle and me – that he could touch her so gently, without fear, knowing he would never harm her†¦ She winced, and I twitched in my seat. I had to concentrate for a moment to keep my relaxed posture. â€Å"Tender?† Carlisle asked. Her chin jerked up a fraction. â€Å"Not really,† she said. Another small piece of her character fell into place: she was brave. She didn't like to show weakness. Possibly the most vulnerable creature I'd ever seen, and she didn't want to seem weak. A chuckle slid through my lips. She shot another glare at me. â€Å"Well,† Carlisle said. â€Å"Your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.† Her father was here? I swept through the thoughts in the crowded waiting room, but I couldn't pick his subtle mental voice out of the group before she was speaking again, her face anxious. â€Å"Can't I go back to school?† â€Å"Maybe you should take it easy today,† Carlisle suggested. Her eyes flickered back to me. â€Å"Does he get to go to school?† Act normal, smooth things over†¦ignore the way it feels when she looks me in the eye†¦ â€Å"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived,† I said. â€Å"Actually,† Carlisle corrected, â€Å"most of the school seems to be in the waiting room.† I anticipated her reaction this time – her aversion to attention. She didn't disappoint. â€Å"Oh no,† she moaned, and she put her hands over her face. I liked that I'd finally guessed right. I was beginning to understand her†¦ â€Å"Do you want to stay?† Carlisle asked. â€Å"No, no!† she said quickly, swinging her legs over the side of the mattress and sliding down till her feet were on the floor. She stumbled forward, off-balance, into Carlisle's arms. He caught and steadied her. Again, the envy flooded through me. â€Å"I'm fine,† she said before he could comment, faint pink in her cheeks. Of course, that wouldn't bother Carlisle. He made sure she was balanced, and then dropped his hands. â€Å"Take some Tylenol for the pain,† he instructed. â€Å"It doesn't hurt that bad.† Carlisle smiled as he signed her chart. â€Å"It sounds like you were extremely lucky.† She turned her face slightly, to stare at me with hard eyes. â€Å"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me.† â€Å"Oh, well, yes,† Carlisle agreed quickly, hearing the same thing in her voice that I heard. She hadn't written her suspicions off as imagination. Not yet. All yours, Carlisle thought. Handle it as you think best. â€Å"Thanks so much,† I whispered, quick and quiet. Neither human heard me. Carlisle's lips turned up a tiny bit at my sarcasm as he turned to Tyler. â€Å"I'm afraid that you'll have to stay with us just a little bit longer,† he said as he began examining the slashes left by the shattered windshield. Well, I'd made the mess, so it was only fair that I had to deal with it. Bella walked deliberately toward me, not stopping until she was uncomfortably close. I remembered how I had hoped, before all the mayhem, that she would approach me†¦ This was like a mockery of that wish. â€Å"Can I talk to you for a minute?† she hissed at me. Her warm breath brushed my face and I had to stagger back a step. Her appeal had not abated one bit. Every time she was near me, it triggered all my worst, most urgent instincts. Venom flowed in my mouth and my body yearned to strike – to wrench her into my arms and crush her throat to my teeth. My mind was stronger than my body, but only just. â€Å"Your father is waiting for you,† I reminded her, my jaw clenched tight. She glanced toward Carlisle and Tyler. Tyler was paying us no attention at all, but Carlisle was monitoring my every breath. Carefully, Edward. â€Å"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind,† she insisted in a low voice. I wanted to tell her that I did mind very much, but I knew I would have to do this eventually. I may as well get on with it. I was full of so many conflicting emotions as I stalked out of the room, listening to her stumbling footsteps behind me, trying to keep up. I had a show to put on now. I knew the role I would play – I had the character down: I would be the villain. I would lie and ridicule and be cruel. It went against all my better impulses – the human impulses that I'd clung to through all these years. I'd never wanted to deserve trust more than in this moment, when I had to destroy all possibility of it. It made it worse to know that this would be the last memory she would have of me. This was my farewell scene. I turned on her. â€Å"What do you want?† I asked coldly. She cringed back slightly from my hostility. Her eyes turned bewildered, the expression that had haunted me†¦ â€Å"You owe me an explanation,† she said in a small voice; her ivory face blanched. It was very hard to keep my voice harsh. â€Å"I saved your life – I don't owe you anything.† She flinched – it burned like acid to watch my words hurt her. â€Å"You promised,† she whispered. â€Å"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about.† Her chin came up then. â€Å"There's nothing wrong with my head.† She was angry now, and that made it easier for me. I met her glare, making my face more unfriendly. â€Å"What do you want from me, Bella?† â€Å"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you.† What she wanted was only fair – it frustrated me to have to deny her. â€Å"What do you think happened?† I nearly growled at her. Her words poured out in a torrent. â€Å"All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me – Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both – and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it – and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all – and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Suddenly, she clenched her teeth together and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. I stared at her, my expression derisive, though what I really felt was awe; she had seen everything. â€Å"You think I lifted a van off you?† I asked sarcastically. She answered with one stiff nod. My voice grew more mocking. â€Å"Nobody will believe that, you know.† She made an effort to control her anger. When she answered me, she spoke each word with slow deliberation. â€Å"I'm not going to tell anybody.† She meant it – I could see that in her eyes. Even furious and betrayed, she would keep my secret. Why? The shock of it ruined my carefully designed expression for half a second, and then I pulled myself together. â€Å"Then why does it matter?† I asked, working to keep my voice severe. â€Å"It matters to me,† she said intensely. â€Å"I don't like to lie – so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it.† She was asking me to trust her. Just as I wanted her to trust me. But this was a line I could not cross. My voice stayed callous. â€Å"Can't you just thank me and get it over with?† â€Å"Thank you,† she said, and then she fumed silently, waiting. â€Å"You're not going to let it go, are you?† â€Å"No.† â€Å"In that case†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I couldn't tell her the truth if I wanted to†¦and I didn't want to. I'd rather she made up her own story than know what I was, because nothing could be worse than the truth – I was a living nightmare, straight from the pages of a horror novel. â€Å"I hope you enjoy disappointment.† We scowled at each other. It was odd how endearing her anger was. Like a furious kitten, soft and harmless, and so unaware of her own vulnerability. She flushed pink and ground her teeth together again. â€Å"Why did you even bother?† Her question wasn't one that I was expecting or prepared to answer. I lost my hold on the role I was playing. I felt the mask slip from my face, and I told her – this one time – the truth. â€Å"I don't know.† I memorized her face one last time – it was still set in lines of anger, the blood not yet faded from her cheeks – and then I turned and walked away from her.

Witch child essays

Witch child essays Moti Iluz Miss. Bensimon Grade 9x 1-27-04 Witch Child I am Mary. I am a witch. Mary Newbury is very different from every other girl; she is faced with a struggle that is very unique. That struggle is between being a country woman and being a witch in Europe during the 1660s. A period where witches were hunted and tortured and killed to take the blame of all problems in society. Marys grandmother did not confess that she was a witch. Yet she was tortured and hung in front of Marys eyes. Mary then had to try her hardest not to show any signs that might lead to peoples suspicion. Mary lived in Europe, a place where people who were different were considered unusual and strange and not accepted. Mary did not want to put herself in danger so she fled to America. But, to her dismay, everyone in America was just as superstitious. In America she acted like a normal, Puritan girl and hid any evidence of witchcraft that may have led to her accusation. Mary made new friends and she didnt tell them her secret of being a witch. Throughout the story Mary is disliked by three local girls and is accused of being a witch. Mary denied it of course to avoid execution. She maintained Puritan values on the outside and she had friends that helped and supported her in this cause. In every way possible she hid her witch background. Mary helped the town in any way possible. She helped mothers give birth, she cleaned houses, she took care of the children, and she cooked, for families. Toward the end of the book Reverend Johnson, the leader and preacher of the town, accused Mary and four other girls of being witches. They were watched by a drunken guy in the woods. He saw them conjuring up spirits to the town. Most of the townsmen were also suspicious of the girls because since Marys arrival...